People always comment on Yasmin Benoit modelling bras when she is not a sexual person. Cover yourself in candle wax, hang from the ceiling, go for it. There are so many myths and stereotypes, but I’m none of those things. People immediately think asexuals are conservative or uptight, emotionally disconnected, insecure, shy or a wallflower. My answer is, “Have you ever had sex with a man to know that you're straight? No.” I’ve never felt like I wanted to try having sex. So I usually say I’m not interested but if I do say, ‘It's not personal, I'm not attracted to anyone,” then they’re like, ‘If you haven't done it before, how do you know?’ They’ll hit on me, and it’s rare for me to say, ‘Actually, I'm asexual’ because they don't know what I'm talking about. Now, I sometimes get guys chatting me up in the street or if I’m in a bar or a club, or working somewhere. Read more: Mum-of-two married to a man realised she was gay It gave me the language to explain who I was.Ī wider conversation didn’t exist though and I didn’t gain a sense of community from it, so I went back to avoiding the subject and carried on my life, until a few years ago I decided to become an activist and campaign to get people to better understand asexuality. I had answers to my question and I realised that I wasn’t broken, that there were other people like me and I wasn’t alone in this. I hadn’t had a word for it until then but I Googled it and there were YouTubers talking about asexuality and being aromantic, and it seemed like that might be me.
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I don't know that I had a full blown 'this is it' moment but, by the time I was 15, a friend suggested maybe I was asexual. I’d just go to school and do my work, and then go straight home. I was always very good at dodging the scenario. Avoiding attentionīesides, I wasn't in many instances where I’d give people the opportunity to hit on me. There were creepy older guys who paid me attention sometimes, but of course I had no interest in them. My friends were always better looking, I was the one people skimmed over. People didn’t find me good-looking back then, so I didn't get hit on much during my teenage years. Yasmin Benoit realised she was asexual as a teenager, and is now an activist working on awareness and understanding of the asexual community (Image: Apollo Flux) I was the only Black girl at my school, for a start, and I'm a huge heavy metal fan, I dress like Alice Cooper. But I was fine with who I was, I’ve never been someone who blended in. I thought, give it a few months and I will also want to grab the girl by the hair because she spoke to my boyfriend. I assumed it would happen to me too, that I would develop these feelings, but I wasn't going to encourage them because, observing other girls, it looked like a lot of effort. But that backfired because when I did join a single sex school, the girls were riled up all the time, feeling deprived of boys. It made me want to go to an all-girls secondary school because I had a theory that if you got rid of the problem of boys, the girls wouldn't care about dating or sex. I remember the girls were always fighting over the boys. I noticed that I wasn’t feeling the same. We’d chase boys around the playground and, while I’d do it for fun, for the other girls, it turned more into chasing boys because they had crushes on them.
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I first realised I wasn’t interested in sex or romance when I was 11 – at the time everyone around me realised they were. She has never had sex and never wants to date or have a romantic relationship. Yasmin Benoit, 26, is a model and asexual activist.
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Asexual and proud: Model and activist Yasmin Benoit isn't interested in having sex or being in a relationship.